Found this funny

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2 years 4 months ago #787426 by bayern
Found this funny was created by bayern

Guessing has never been widely acclaimed as a good gambling strategy

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2 years 4 months ago #787428 by bayern
bayern on topic Found this funny

Guessing has never been widely acclaimed as a good gambling strategy

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2 years 4 months ago #787430 by Dave Scott
Dave Scott on topic Found this funny
Both very funny men 👍

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1 year 8 months ago #807323 by fingers
fingers on topic Found this funny
Don't know where the old joke thread is?

2 Friends went in for vasectomies

Morning of the procedure a nurse comes and says "we have to empty the sperm sac", and gives the one a hand job

She goes to his mate and he gets a blow job

"what's this - I get a hand job and he gets a blow job?"

She replies - "it's the difference between your medical aid benefits - Medihelp and Discovery"

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1 month 6 days ago #848721 by fingers
fingers on topic Found this funny
Contrary to popular believe it was Eve that was created first.

After a month in the Garden of Eden she was visited by God
How are things? asked God
“Everything is wonderful” says Eve, except for the 3 breasts you have given me.

The middle one pushes the other 2 out and they get caught on branches;
It feels as if it’s always in the way

Fair point says God – I gave animals 6 and thought 3 would be right for you.
I’ll fix it right away, and with that he tore out the middle breast and threw it in the bushes
A month later He visited again – how is my favourite creation, He asked.
“I’m fine” she replied; but I’m lonely – all the other animals have mates

You’re right, said God – silly me
You do need a mate, so I’ll create man from a part of your body---
Now let’s see – where did I put that useless tit?
The following user(s) said Thank You: Mac

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1 month 6 days ago #848738 by Mac
Mac on topic Re:Found this funny
Fingers!!!!
I have another naughty one. It was posted by a clansman abt a decade or so ago. One of my favs.
A husband asked his wife to shave her twat. The next morning he woke up with a bald head.


Sent from my Ferrari using Tapatalk

"Lot 226, 2016 NYS, Diamondveld, R1.5m"

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1 week 10 hours ago #850712 by fingers
fingers on topic Re:Found this funny
A PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO TORONTO , WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET.
SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS, THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.
THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON.
THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL
HANDLE THIS, I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE.
HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE SAYS, "OH, I'M SORRY." AND GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS.
"I TOLD HER, 'FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO TORONTO."

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1 week 9 hours ago #850722 by Mac
Mac on topic Re:Found this funny
🙈


Sent from my Ferrari using Tapatalk

"Lot 226, 2016 NYS, Diamondveld, R1.5m"

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3 days 22 hours ago #850918 by fingers
fingers on topic Re:Found this funny
The only cow in a small town in Poland stopped giving milk.

The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from Moscow for 2,000 rubles, or one from Minsk for 1,000 rubles. Being frugal, they bought the cow from Minsk. The cow was wonderful.

It produced lots of milk all the time, and the people were amazed and very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. Then they would never have to worry about the milk supply again. They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest.

The people were very upset and decided to ask their wise rabbi, what to do.

They told the rabbi what was happening. “Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she just walks away to the other side.”

The rabbi thought about this for a minute and asked, “Did you buy this cow from Minsk?”

The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where they had gotten the cow.

“You are truly a wise rabbi,” they said. “How did you know we got the cow from Minsk?”

The rabbi answered sadly, “My wife is from Minsk.

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3 days 22 hours ago #850919 by Lionel
Lionel on topic Re:Found this funny
Hello?”

“Hi honey this is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?”

“No Daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.”

After a brief pause, Daddy says, “But honey, you haven’t got an Uncle Paul.”

“Oh yes I do, and he’s upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now.”

Brief Pause.

“Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway.”

“Okay Daddy, just a minute.”

A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone. “I did it Daddy.”

“And what happened honey?” he asked.

“Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn’t moving at all!”

“Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?”

“He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn’t know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I he isn’t moving either.”

Long Pause

Longer Pause

Even Longer Pause


Then Daddy says, “Swimming pool? Is this 486-5731?

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